The 1st time I saw Ari Hoptman was in 1996 when I took
in a show at Balls midnight cabaret. It was a total mime
performance about a fellow wandering about a town & having a day’s
worth of comic escapades. Done in very restrained style, I recall after
the show telling Ari he reminded me of famed silent film comedy icon
Harold Lloyd. & he does, even to this day. Not only in physical
demeanor & movement, but in persona. Were this 80 years ago the man
would be a megastar on par with Lloyd, Charlie Chaplin, & Buster
Keaton. He’s that great! But other comedians of yore exist in Ari’s
repertoire: a # of his sketches have characters that are at least
kissin’ cousins to Jackie Gleason’s Lost Soul, Bob Newhart’s
befuddled telephoner [in fact, not even Newhart could have gotten away
with a sketch that has Mahatma Gandhi calling in to a 900 chat line &
answering a query as to what he was wearing with, ‘I’m in a white
toga, what are YOU wearing?’], Woody Allen’s Nebbish from Hell,
etc. In fact, 1 of the reasons Ari is so GREAT at what he does is because
he has no 1 direct progenitor comedically. I could argue a Peter Sellers
as easily as I could a Jerry Seinfeld. Even an upscale Andrew Dice Clay
crossed with Andy Warhol- witness a sketch where Ari is a Teutonic
comedian with contempt for his audience. There are, indeed, so many
personae in Ari’s repertoire that the most apt comparison is to the
father/son duo of horror film actors: Lon Chaney & Lon Chaney, Jr.
Yet, while I hope Ari is ‘discovered’ & can make a ton of
$- for he truly is in the Allen/Carrey/Murphy league as far as talent- I
hope his talents are utilized to the fullest. It would be criminal for
this man to be relegated to a sitcom. Do we really need him as another Ray
Romano? Another Tim Allen? Or a male Roseanne Barr or Brett Butler? Do we
really need another Woody Allen ‘knockoff’? I mean, after all, what is
Jerry Seinfeld but a 3rd rate Garry Shandling, who was a 3rd
rate Woody Allen? No, a show in the old variety format would be best-
think of Ari as a male answer to Tracy Ullman.
Here’s a classic Ari premise that works devastatingly as a comic
piece with both political & historical overtones: We see a harried
public official apparently speaking to a panel of would-be politicos. It
seems to be a Zoning Committee for Urban Development- or some such
counterpart. The official may indeed be an architect. As the piece
develops we see some of the inane comedic aspects of local politics
brought to life & are already laughing when it gradually dawns on us
that the speaker is proposing building the Pyramids at Giza. Only then do
we make the universal connections to human nature. As dying Jewish
slaves’ mortality is invoked we get some real sharp commentary disguised
quite second-naturedly. The point: when, if ever, has television- even Saturday
Night Live in its prime, or SCTV, been this wickedly clever?
As I said, I 1st met Ari at Balls- a local
midnight cabaret hosted by local singer Leslie Ball. The cabaret hosts all
types of performers at all levels of skill & accomplishment. It has
long been the premier place for newbies to the arts to test their chops.
An average of 7-10 artists perform in the 90-120 minute shows. Most are
mediocre, but there are occasional standouts. In my 3 years as a regular I
was the only good poet who regularly read- the rest were usually aging
Beatnik retreads or young teenage poetasters. Comedians were a mixed lot-
Ari & comic diva Colleen Kruse [another Encomial wunderkind!] being
amongst the best comedy had to offer- along with a young kid named Nick
Swardson [although Nick was more in the manic Jim Carrey mode of comic,
left for New York City, & returned a few times with a swelled head].
Other standouts were illusionist/performance artist Derek Hughes,
performance diva Heidi Arneson, drag king Melissa Birch, & musician of
the streets, Larry Havluck. Each of these folk almost always could hit a
home run with the audience, & some- like Ari, Colleen, Nick, &
Derek- also had Possible Superstar written across their faces. But
the bulk of artists were likely to be more at home performing on the old Gong
Show. Ari used to perform in a comedy duo with his buddy Ben Bakken.
The team was called Clitic & Calque- a duo of etymological
heroes making the world safe for the linguistically stupid. Which was
which did not matter because, although Bakken was a solid straight man,
Ari Hoptman was clearly the star- & more talented performer.
Apparently, Ari always had aspirations in the comic vein- as well
the philologic. What little I know of Ari is summarized here: 1) He’s a
Michigander Jew. 2) He’s a proud Michigander Jew. 3) His pride is not
based in said Michigander Judaica. 4) His pride is based in his having
pride- this being a bit of an accomplishment for 1 with as low a
self-esteem as Ari. 5) Ari is single, heterosexual, not obese, not gifted
with bad body odor, & actively looking to change such- well at least
the 1st thing! 6) Ari moved to Minnesota in 1992 & failed
in his 1st attempt at comedy. 7) Ari has 7 fingers on his right
hand- an observant audience member can usually spot the flesh colored
bandages Ari uses to tie his 2 usesless digits to more serviceable ones.
8) Ari has the undying love (professional!) & support of chanteuse
Ball, whose favorite words to utter in her inimitably breathy style are,
‘Ari, Ari, Ari.’ 9) Ari has had a # of sold-out, hit shows in the Twin
Cities area. 10) Ari was welcomed in Iceland. 11) Ari was booed in
Germany- he is unsure whether it was the Jew thing or the Michigander
part. 12) Ari has a secret.
Of course, I won’t divulge said secret. But here’s a fact for
you to chew on: if you are in Minneapolis any time soon, spend a late
Saturday night going to the Southern Theater. Ari’s often taking
tickets there- how much longer this will be true I do not know. If justice
prevails it will not be for much longer. Besides, it’s cheaper than a
movie &, if Ari’s performing- no matter any of the other so-so acts-
you’ll get more than your money’s worth. I repeat- this man is a GREAT
comic talent- I am loath to use the dreaded ‘G’ word about him since
it is so often abused by being applied to mediocrities. Or just check out www.arihoptman.com
for where this excellent artist is next tickling ribs. & if you’re a
young babe looking to lay the poor schlub in hopes of getting impregnated,
marrying, & subsequently bleeding his pending comic fortune dry, then
email me 1st so we can scheme on how to best strip him of said
green. Comics, at least, can garner financial reward- poets can’t!
But let me end on a serious note. This man is a GREAT talent. His
shows deserve support. For those sick of repetitive, & banal, or dull
potty humor, here is a chance to learn, laugh, & witness great art-
both studied & on the cuff. I ain’t jokin’!
Return to Bylines